Give Yourself a Chance at Forgiveness
Dear Collective,
As we hit late December, everyone starts looking toward 2026 with a script in their head. We’ve all done it: "This is the year I finally lose the weight," "This is the year I quit drinking," or "This is the year I finally get my life together." We set these massive, rigid resolutions, and we go into them with the expectation of perfection.
But here is the reality of being human: You are going to make mistakes.
Most people treat a resolution like a glass vase, once there is a single crack in it, they think the whole thing is ruined, so they smash it on the floor and quit.
I’ll eat better this year, and a sleeve of Oreos later, screw it. All is lost!
They realize the goal is harder than they thought, or they have one bad night, and the frustration takes over. Instead of adjusting, they give up.
There’s a study about two pottery classes that illustrates why this "perfection or bust" mindset fails us. In the first class, students were told their entire grade depended on producing one single, perfect piece of pottery at the end of the semester. In the second class, students were graded purely on volume; the more pots they made, the better their grade.
By the end of the term, a curious thing happened: the highest quality work didn't come from the "perfection" class. It came from the "volume" class. Because they were churning out pot after pot, they were constantly failing, learning, and starting over. They didn't have time to obsess over a single mistake; they just threw the next piece of clay on the wheel and tried again. By forgiving their early, messy work and focusing on the sheer volume of attempts, they actually became masters.
Offer yourself a chance at forgiveness when things aren't perfect.
Forgiveness isn't about making excuses or being lazy. It’s about giving yourself the space to start over without the weight of shame holding you back. If you’re test-driving a new habit and you fail, that doesn't mean the journey is over. It just means you’re human. You have to be able to look at a mistake, recognize it’s harder than you expected, and say, "Okay, I messed up. I’m starting again right now."
I know this from my own journey. Staying sober for a year wasn't a perfectly straight line of easy days. It required a lot of moments where I had to be patient with my own brain and my own anxieties. If I had beaten myself up for every craving or every bad day, I never would have made it this far. The stresses, the old routines stood in the way and when it was hardest when my willpower was it’s lowest.
As we move into this new year and you set those big goals for yourself, remember that growth is messy. A masterpiece is a mess someone didn't give up on, but you can’t keep working on that masterpiece if you’re too busy punishing yourself for the mess. Like those students in the pottery class, your goal shouldn't be a perfect first attempt. It should be the willingness to keep throwing clay on the wheel.
Give yourself the space to be imperfect. Forgive the stumble, narrow your scope back down to the next small step, and just keep moving. That is how you actually grow.
With Strength and Kindness,
Charlie